I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
