Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
