just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We talked him into tasing himself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
