Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
