I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
