From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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