We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
