so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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