He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
