I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
