i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
