Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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