i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
