Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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