i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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