Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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