2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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