I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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