Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
