i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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