i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
