My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
