Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
