just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
