i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
People in love make me want to vomit
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
