Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
