If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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