This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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