he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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