Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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