Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
