The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
