My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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