im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
