all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
