Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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