My liver just broke up with me...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My life is pants optional.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
