You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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