i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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