Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
