don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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