He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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