I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
