bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
