I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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