we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The ass gains better be worth it
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