I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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