I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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