It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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