i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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