You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
