If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
