i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
