You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
