Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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